Reviving dreams

I've got several dreams. And I thought that I'd been doing fine. Till I read this and caught sight of a broken and buried dream.

Sunday October 03 2010

We're supposed to stop arguing, cos what they really need is God's love. But even when I chose not to, I wasn't even given a choice.

I gave up today. Told him, honestly I really don't know how to answer you. Why dont you go talk to someone more qualified like the pastor or somebody. The moment I said that I felt like crying. I felt so helpless. He was stepping all over my God, my lover, my savior. And I can't just take this all in a purely intellectual way because I relate to my God not just through logic but with my whole being, my spirit. he is so dear to me. You can't expect me not to get emotional as you wouldn't talking about the news, which you can be apathetic about any day.

I feel like there's a lot more behind those questions he asks. That somehow because of something we're always going on in circles. But I can't analyze, because I'm as lost as anything and I can't think beyond the direct questions asked.

I felt tired of trying to be the all knowing Christian with the answers to everything. I was so tired of explaining what I know he'd just shoot at and leave me helpless. So I just said, I don't know, I don't know, I DON'T KNOW. Christians are selfish and presumptuous. God is evil and we can live without him. Whatever, whatever, whatever. Believe what you want ok? I don't care. It's not as if you were really trying to find out the christian point of view. You're just trying to disprove everything I believed in. You're an atheist angry at God and his people while pretending not to and thinking you're so balanced, objective and that.