\o/

2012-01-01T20:09:00.000-08:00

I've heard someone comment that Christians are always so full of commitment. It wasn't a statement of awe or inspiration. It was something more like a feeling of something unnecessary. I didn't know what to say to that, cos commitment is true for me anyway. But thinking about it, a church takes people to run and function. Anything else under the sun does too. but church is not just another organization, it's about people. People's hearts, souls, lives. It's never a waste of time, cos people are never a waste of time. People are precious. And people need to find God and a purpose for life.

If there is no God, there's nothing here that can hold me and make me stay.

This church, no matter how flashy and big would have nothing for me. What's the point? Without God it's nothing but religion. Everything I do is merely to do all the right things, to sustain a 'system'. Everything I do woud just be for the acknowledgement and applause of other people who maybe appreciates "fine commitment and morals". Everything I do would be dead.

But the thing is, it's not religion, it's a dynamic and life- changing relationship with God. His truth sets me free to live an amazing life of abundance and I'm called to set others free too. Thank goodness we are a church that does things out of love of God and not religion. That's what makes me stay. Every kernel of wheat must first die before it can produce many seeds and reap a harvest. If it doesn't die, it remains only a single seed.

Aside from a God-less church having nothing for me, this world has nothing for me either. Be born eat sleep grow up work get married have chidlren die. Is that all there is to life? But in God there is an eternal reward and inheritance to have a share in, and this life is only a little glimpse, and the beginning into the next.

I dont believe in all that we've got no time for this kind of thing. God is not a compartmented box. He is the center of every part of life. And if christians are called to be a blessing, the head and not the tail, why wouldn't God give us the ability to manage even more than the normal capacity even above our commitments? and for the other things of life to fall into place when we put him first? Those who trust in the unfailing love of God entrusts themselves in good hands.

Aeroplane girl.

2012-01-01T19:56:00.000-08:00

I was looking at a chinese book today, and started recalling the girl who gave me that book on a plane back to Singapore, a few months ago.

I don't believe it's an accident that I remembered her. And even though it was only 4 hours, I thank God for that 4 hours of influence, and when she began to share her life. Cos although she may have forgotten me, God hasn't forgotten her, and I know exactly what to pray for her about from all the things she's said.

It takes faith to believe in putting in to something that you might never ever see the results for. But I really believe that God will do something in her life, and prayer can make an extraordinary difference in hers.. If only someone in her life would care to pray. Even if it's just a stranger:)

2011-12-28T09:34:00.001-08:00

The only thing that was able to keep me in joyful spirits away from discontentment was to count my blessings. To realize that I have what I don't deserve, and always be grateful.

2011-12-07T17:06:00.000-08:00

It takes two hands to clap
Don't blame others if you've not even been interested in trying, girl

2011-12-05T07:18:00.000-08:00

You are the very first and the very best.

Keep me as the apple of Your eye; Hide me under the shadow of Your wings, (Psalm 17:8 NKJV)

Why cannot??!

2011-11-22T02:45:00.000-08:00

New opportunities to impact tomorrow!! So excited wahahha. And so grateful for the opportunity to do that today even though it was only 2 hours of sch! God is so amazing. The moment I connect with Him, ideas, hope, everything all comes floooding in. And what's more important than success, answers and anointing to do things, is that I love Him. This is my God, whom I adore:)

I feel the life coming back into me. Change your picture, change your perspectives. Change your name, be steeped in your identity.

Walking into a new season, deception will breed dominance no more.

Have come up with some great ideas! Now I'm just so excited to GET THERE. I've patiently worked hard to get this far, and there's much more to come. So cool that my dream is a part of what we're aiming to become. It's in line:) Not forgetting the very first vision about myself that God placed in my heart.. That's our dream too, not just something people ask me to do.

Being a super conqueror means winning in every arena of life. And it's not being victorious because of the circumstance but it's being victorious DESPITE of it. Success doesn't come from what your circumstance is, but success is what you decide to do IN that circumstance! And that's the factor that's gonna change things.
We walk by faith and not by sight. So I'm not gonna be short sighted but put on God's glasses. Things are not going well.. of course! Since when was life without opposition, challenges, stretching, learning? But we will always win. Because Jesus. This is just another opportunity to display his strength and wisdom in all things:)

2011-11-16T08:43:00.000-08:00

Really thank God for speaking to me at the library last week, it was an amazing encounter with God. All this while as I was finding thigs tough I always seemed to feel as if He's forgotten me but he showed me that in actual fact, He'a faithful and has been with me all this time. I was so wrecked by His love for me and how He knows exactly what He's doing in my life even when I dont seem to believe it.

After losing my laptop I felt as if I lost all my memories. Every single photo that I've known has ceased to exist..
But I felt cheered visiting GB at the WOC seeing all the colleagues and maybe even some staff for the last time before the project ends and most of them disbands to do their own other things. I took pictures with them, which we have no time to do during normal working days. And it was comforting to see some of the familiar plants again. I was so happy to see Patrick, Siu Ann and Renee:) and I loved the fact that people were stationed and because I came as a member of the public my enquiries of plants must be entertained :D sooo good to walk around and greet so many familiar people and faces, take nice pictures. Just so much fun:)

I remember how I used to blog as a form of stress relief. Now I dont think I even have time for that:/ haha.
School term is getting busy, but still manageable. Cos I dont feel like I'm utilizing my time with 100% efficiency. I should, so that I have time to work on extra stuff :D
New attemts to learn guitar. Hopefully this interest doesn't die down somewhere (like it did years ago) and it can be useful someday:)

2011-09-24T07:38:00.001-07:00

Can you stop blaming other people and putting them on guilt trips?
For so long I don't know what's right, what's wrong, what's reasonable, what's not anymore. All I do is just believe you all the time, like you're always right because you have the right to be listened to.

Nonsense dreams

2011-09-09T00:11:00.000-07:00

Had 3 dreams concurrently yesterday. Must have slept really well.
Had a series of strange dreams.. Like i dreamt that I was in a psych class for some reason and we were studying Acts 4 which involved a massive scale case of diarrhoea and vomiting. (It is NOT true) and I had a classmate who liked to answer all the teacher's questions but hated reading out loud.. And she ate a nasty chewing gum:/
I dreamt that we had a class excursion and there was this fern like plant which hung from trees. It's leaves draped down and looked and behaved like snakes- it just sweeps in and assault insects. I found that alarming, so I didn't really like it. And when theres human intrusion these leaves would just draw back and hide.
And the last dream is even weirder I'm not going to mention. LOL.

2011-09-07T20:39:00.000-07:00

"虽然人能替你指出一个方向，但只有我能把你带去那里。"
－神早晨对我说的话

Reviving dreams

2011-08-28T05:01:00.001-07:00

I've got several dreams. And I thought that I'd been doing fine. Till I read this and caught sight of a broken and buried dream.

Sunday October 03 2010

We're supposed to stop arguing, cos what they really need is God's love. But even when I chose not to, I wasn't even given a choice.

I gave up today. Told him, honestly I really don't know how to answer you. Why dont you go talk to someone more qualified like the pastor or somebody. The moment I said that I felt like crying. I felt so helpless. He was stepping all over my God, my lover, my savior. And I can't just take this all in a purely intellectual way because I relate to my God not just through logic but with my whole being, my spirit. he is so dear to me. You can't expect me not to get emotional as you wouldn't talking about the news, which you can be apathetic about any day.

I feel like there's a lot more behind those questions he asks. That somehow because of something we're always going on in circles. But I can't analyze, because I'm as lost as anything and I can't think beyond the direct questions asked.

I felt tired of trying to be the all knowing Christian with the answers to everything. I was so tired of explaining what I know he'd just shoot at and leave me helpless. So I just said, I don't know, I don't know, I DON'T KNOW. Christians are selfish and presumptuous. God is evil and we can live without him. Whatever, whatever, whatever. Believe what you want ok? I don't care. It's not as if you were really trying to find out the christian point of view. You're just trying to disprove everything I believed in. You're an atheist angry at God and his people while pretending not to and thinking you're so balanced, objective and that.

2011-08-28T03:32:00.001-07:00

It feels good to journal. It really brings out all my thoughts and make them so clear in front of me. There are even times when you can see a change in mindset halfway through the whole entry...

Discipleship

2011-08-22T03:32:00.001-07:00

What sis Wanping said made much sense.. She said that she's not discipling us as a leader but as a Christian. Because if we are close to God, our ministry will fall into place but when we are not, everything gets rubbishy. On the other hand you can try to be a better leader without being close to God and yet you won't become a better leader.

It was good getting to know verlyn:) Can't wait for the weeks to come:) gotta be prepared to share more and ask more questions.

Fuel

2011-08-18T08:07:00.001-07:00

I realized that i grew most when, even though I didn't know a lot, had to step into something and try my hand at it. At first it was really bad but later i don't know how but the anointing just increased as i learn more while i am actually doing it.

As I was asking "more anointing, more direction" I felt like God was saying, "Stop saying 'No direction, no direction.' You do have it. You just need to go and do it."

Step by step. Just keep following.

And i realized I'm always asking "how" and I always want to know how to do everything before I actually start. But time to step into the unknown:)

Hols- yr 3 sem 2

2011-08-18T07:37:00.000-07:00

The holidays

Home
Meet the needs shown
Help out with chores
Clear out room massively
Plan fpm and strategize for goodness sake

**Mission trip
Familiarize self with songs, new life, testimony, sharing material, verses
Whatever homework given
fast and pray pray pray! asdlkfajdfslkh (and as a grp too)

Discipleship
Get self discipled

Impart
Aim to speak something meaningful with every conversation held
About God, teaching, correcting
Discipleship. start dropping things about it to people

Incubation

Bible study
Own study and search
For Others
Read books been dying to read

Admin/stuff i can't put a title to
Charge over: missing people- notes, CD etc.., newcomers

Culture
fuelpm, responsiveness, pnw, LGPM
Outings to..

Music
piano scores
keyboard
ukelele

School
Individual presentation
FYP research
Study materials for modules
--> Attempt to clock 20 hours :D

Friends in long lost land
Charlotte
Hazry & other schoolmates
Mandy

Last day of internship~

2011-08-16T17:23:00.000-07:00

Being able to get a seat on the train leaves me with much comfort for thinking and musing...

I really enjoy this season of life in school. Loving what I study and having lots of fun with friends. I really love my friends and my life:) Though this new season of life in internship the past months meant separation from some friends, it also meant a new lease of friendships. My colleagues, classmates to be from GB: Mad, the relaxed guy and smooth talker. Charis the legalist- but she keeps us all sane and proper. Joyce the aunty, seriously. And incredibly slow eater and chatterbox. I won't forget Renee and her Hibiscus and sarcasm. And estelle's distinctive sweet voice. And Patrick singing songs dating back 4829372937 years ago by bands that no one knows. And our naughty dogs that bite people and seriously attention seeking ttm. And of course many other characters.

I think I might have been less eager to be done with internship without the discipleship and post work activities which really test my threshold for strength and energy. I'm kind of relieved but I don't think I'll be sad for too long. I can finally move on to other things and I know I won't settle for the level we are at as interns but strive to be one of the very best in the industry. ILL BE BACK. what I'm about to go back to school to study is going to make so much more sense now and I'm glad!:)
All this internship really made me more familiar with this part of town and now I can change train like a pro. LOL.

Can't wait to relax now, I'm gonna get my holidays planned out soon.

Love

2011-01-30T01:11:00.000-08:00

I love the message version of 1 Corinthians 13. The best stuff ever about what loving people is about.

   Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
   Love doesn't strut,
   Doesn't have a swelled head,
   Doesn't force itself on others,
   Isn't always "me first,"
   Doesn't fly off the handle,
   Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn't revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end.
8-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

2011-01-28T22:03:00.000-08:00

Even the strongest people in your life has their weakest times too. No matter what, it's my joy to be there for them.

God is moving

2011-01-14T05:37:00.000-08:00

You broke down the impossibilities. You left me stunned. And you're so fast, I need to run to catch up with you. It's not that You were ever slow in fulfilling Your plans, but whether people were willing to be a part of them. I choose to be; I choose to partner with You :)

Can I just say I love living the way I do right now? Breaking my heart over what breaks Yours. Living the way You called me to.

I LOVE THIS SONG it's by Hillsong United

God is moving

Holy Spirit, Touch Your people
Teach us the ways of God
And as we live, As Jesus did
You are honored and lifted up
There's a stirring in the Spirit
There's an urgency in this hour
We as children must obey
Can you hear
The footsteps of God

God is moving, God is moving
Can you hear the sound
Of revival
As we praise You, as we sing
Draw near to us O God
As we cry out for the nations
Pour out revival in the land
There's a stirring in the Spirit
There's an urgency in this hour
We as children must obey
Can you hear
The footsteps of God

2010-12-25T23:25:00.000-08:00

Things being hectic since a month ago, I hadn't the chance to just relax. That's why I'm doing it now. Just sitting here and writing out what I was musing about the other day.. And it's RAINING. Perfect weather :) It's december! Perfect month.

Christmas is over, just like that. It came quickly and left quickly. But I think it's one of the most fun Christmases I've had spent with friends and family:)

Recently our church's been growing. I've been thinking about people being anti big church. But you can't be anti large numbers. Because guess what's the size of heaven :/
And just because you're big doesn't mean you can't be genuine with people. You may know people for a short time but it doesn't mean you can't be sincere in the things you say and do. That happens when you realize that masses of people are not just numbers, but precious, individual souls. No matter the size, how you view and treat people lies with you:)and if you love God, you gotta love people.

To Freedom.

2010-12-16T03:33:00.001-08:00

Two weeks before common test- Rush and RUSH to hand in all assignments.. plus all the practs and individual projects that we needed to clear out of the way. In the end we had till school reopens for Mdm Nash's pract. and I was like Phew. If not I'm like a non stop machine churning out work. Like a clockwork, going on.. and on... AND ON. This week- common test papers... Today is the last paper, but that doesn't mean I can drop everything and go ITS HOLIDAYSSS!!
Because... I got camp. 6 days ftw. HI Club then YI CAMP WOOOOO~ <3 X 10000 ITS GONNA BE GREAT AND NOW I CAN JOIN IN THE CHORUS OF TWEETS GOING "ITS GONNA BE OFF THE CHARTS" BECAUSE IT ISSS GONNA BE OFF THE CHARTS AND I AM NOW GOING HURRAY. (Which just took effect since this morning)

And the catch is this- I got 8 more A4 drawings and 2A3s to go for Christmas Bash and THIS IS RIGHT AFTER DHANEN'S 12 A5s which almost DROVE ME CRAZY to say I'll never touch a pencil again NOT THAT LONG AGO. (Last week.)
and guess what, it's due THIS SUNDAY. and I only break camp THIS SUNDAY EVNG, HOHO. Therefore I'm trying to rush them now. And what am I doing? Slacking and procrastinating.
Arbo is also due on TUESDAY. Where I'll be somewhere in RI at Bishan running around screaming my lungs out. Therefore, I'm also trying to finish it NOW. (Y)

Even though I have a couple more milestones to cover, I gotta give myself some credit for surviving it all. And not just barely scraping through but doing a thorough good job of it!
You embarked on Sketch Up even though you're a comp noob/technophobe and did a pretty job. You had a great presentation! You did beautiful sketches in just 2 (full) days. You managed and maxed your time better this time. You did your own pract always. Met deadlines. And most importantly, even though there was pressure you didn't cave in but enjoyed the work~ CHAMPION.

And as you can see I'm going nuts soon. I'm typing a lot more than normal in caps..
JUST A LITTLE MORE and I can EXPLODE IN ECSTACY :D :D :D

2010-12-07T21:46:00.000-08:00

Shoving yourself close to people easily feels good and has almost instant effects. But the strongest friendships are built over trying times, and closeness is but the icing on cake. Closeness is not the very thing that keeps friendships running. There's a bond in friendship that goes beyond time, space, frequent contact and all other distances.

It's about looking to the best interests of people above your own, being there for them, carrying their burdens and letting them lean on you as much as you lean on them. It's not just because the other person interests you, benefits you or when it's convenient.. but all the time and even when they're sappy and angsty. It's less about what you can talk about or do together, it more of how you go through rough times together. How you'd rather give in to the other side than win a senseless argument in a fit of anger, be understanding and withstand conflicts and misunderstandings. It shouldn't be about how much you get out of it but always what you're giving to it. An agenda-less friendship is always being grateful and expecting nothing in return.

Writing this reminds me of Annabel and Zb.. We only have time for a smile and brief hug every Saturday but I'm glad to have been part of God's plan to encourage her even at her most trying and breaking times.. Didn't realize how much a simple note could mean to her. And Zb.. I'm thinking of meeting her soon! <3

2010-12-01T04:29:00.000-08:00

Yesterday night my dad lent a hand for rinsing and drying the dishes which was surprising but real pleasant. Maybe it’s because I was telling him how nice it is that Charmaine helps me with them on Sundays so things are more enjoyable and get done real quick.

Even though these two weeks are a week of hectic work submission, I’m glad to say that I’ve been enjoying myself. Life has become a lot simpler and happier when I realized that it’s just about pleasing God with the things I do. Even things like paying attention, giving 100% for my assignments put a smile on his (invisible) face. I realized that good grades and all that are blessings on His part, not something that I’ve to claw and die for. What pleases Him in my situation is to stop stressing myself out and just enjoy doing my best. It’s the reason why I’m even here in the first place, cos we made the decision together, I’m doing the stuff that I love and it was what I was made to do.

Thank God for a good presentation. Mr D had nice things to say about my presentation.. Like how it was simple but I was able to add to the slides by explaining well. and I'm glad that both of us can see and agree that I've succeeded in exploring new techniques and have gotten something out of it. The basics of sketch up. It was scary, still remember how I refused to open sketch up and only got convinced when I saw Zayzay make it look like cake. and I knew nothing at all but Mr D taught me how to change the camera views and stuff. It worked out in the end! Hurray. Self accomplishment. Thank God he gave me the inspiration to use sketch up and the courage to try smth new.

Alright. Time to work on Mdm Nash’s report :)

LOL @ Tim.
"How's my favorite sister?"
YOU ONLY HAVE ONE SISTER.

2010-11-16T01:45:00.000-08:00

Omg this is so crazy! You can do virtually anything with a keyboard!
There's people doing drum solos on keyboard. It's completely ridiculous yet cool. Kinda reminds me of owl city too. haha that guy can play a whole band on his keyboard.

2010-11-15T07:09:00.000-08:00

As I said I would :)
I'm quite glad to be having fun even though it's pretty tough starting on sketch up. Like the hardest part isn't even over yet. I have some weird irregular shapes on the floor. but. ITS POSSIBLE (Y).

Mindy's birthday celebration was a blast!
I'm pretty sure her ears died listening to us but it's the thought that counts! haha.
Mel was like "Eh for her we must make this good leh... Some more she studies music!" and then the singing was like EPIC FAIL. But a good and cute kind of epic fail :)
At first they couldn't follow the guitar. Then they couldn't follow the tune. Then during the song Mel forgot how to sing- that which she loudly exclaimed at the intro LOL.

Happy early birthday mindy~
Yay, so glad for another successful birthday celebration. I'm posting the video I DONT CARE. HAHAHAH.

2010-11-09T09:33:00.000-08:00

So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. [Grace= God's empowerment to do things!]
2 Corinthians 4:16 (message version)

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.
2 Corinthians 4:8 (NLT)

That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day.
2 corinthians 4:16

Okay we're not exactly dying in the sense as serious as in the situation when Paul was writing this. But sometimes we can get so tired and dragged down by our daily responsibilities and work. But God renews our spirit everyday! That's why I love to start my day with God.

Calling out to all people going through tough times like exams or tough decisions or just being burned out and stressed out... Don't give up! Each trouble is an opportunity for Him to empower you and an opportunity for Him to be praised:) we can go through tough times but we're never finished, we are victorious!

Okay time to sleep. What a short post.

2010-11-07T04:30:00.000-08:00

Never been more challenged by iLife series, being provoked to tears just a week later struggling, trying not to blow to pieces.
You count the number of times you do something good, shrug when I plead with you to help and prove to me how you've fulfilled your obligations. I've never seen anyone more selfish. It's not about a minimalist checklist. It's about spontaneously helping out.

I try, and try as I might, I failed to most of the extent. I may have served but inside it was all wrong. I just couldn't do it with joy. I just couldn't get a smile on my face. It's not that I couldn't do those things. But I felt like I was being stepped on thoroughly. I felt like my arm was being twisted. and i was sick of it. And then I realized- I can't depend on the thinking of "I'm just being nice this time" to last me. Just 2 occasions later I'm breaking. It has to be in light of what God has done for me. He died, a servant and king. Why shouldn't I serve. I was undeserving.

I can't help but feel so appalled by the lack of appreciation around here. What's wrong with all of us. How can things be so wrong and it becomes the new norm.

Everything here feels more of a chore than it should really be. Because it's not just a simple chore. These actions carry a heavy weight of being something that no one wants to do. Detested. Unwanted and left behind. A burden. That has become the labels of these things.
If only people were appreciated and we didn't just try to credit ourselves. If only these things weren't looked down upon. If only people were selfless. Then these things wouldn't be like a hurled insult.

The problem doesn't get solved with the eradication of the duty. Ultimately it's the attitude that stinks. It's the heart that's selfish. Will I have the courage to get up and make a difference once again? This time with the right thinking. To serve because Jesus humbly served. To not thrive on needing recognition of efforts, but having joy in obeying God. and throwing aside what I argue to be my rights, serving to be less self centered. And when I do it with such joy, it'd destroy those labels, one by one.
I'd look like the fool but selfishness will have no hold over me.

It's going to be a looong journey. But.. It's a privilege to serve.

2010-11-04T03:48:00.000-07:00

I'm still on the Internet with 4% more battery to go....

I never regret going to prayer meeting even though I feel tired at first... Really glad to have been praying together with others for camp and Christmas bash! Lol so funny swp went "go and look for your lifegroup members and start to pray for the new christians that have been coming to life group for the past 1 month" then I remarked to Cheryl that oh great, my lifegroup leader is right there on stage. Then Mel caught my gaze and began mouthing to me to join her. Marvel at the multitasking skills. Later I had to run down stage again such a funny sight. But it was good praying with her. (Y) x 1000. Like how often so I get to do that during prayer meeting?

I lent ghim hwee both my 3m and 5m measuring tape lol. But it's ok cos I won't have to measure anything tomorrow. (why would I?)

2010-11-03T15:52:00.000-07:00

I whip my hair back and forth.
LOL
The most hilarious thing ever, children at the playground whipping their hair through the whole chorus.
I don't like that song but I just find it so amusing.

It's 5 minutes to 7 and I'm otw to botanic for lessons. Glad that it's not crowded. And I think I might be early:)

A day with Galahabra and two.

2010-11-03T07:12:00.000-07:00

Otw home from Galahabra's outing now, heh. Spent the day working hard at perspective drawing and later I just dropped by to say hi to all of them fellow hi club peeps. Then I was asked to crash their outing, so I did. Pretty fun since I know quite a few of them, like Ameerah, Harif, Hui Qi and of course their GLs afifah and Kenneth. So cool uh I also want outing for PPP leh. Other than me, there's also Sean who's not from gala but crashed too.

People actually asked me if I was from black group. Like whaat. Whaaaat. After telling them which group I'm from I should also ask them if they know the GLs for that group, Tsk.

We went to a toy store to pass the time waiting for Kenji and Malcom. Took a few pics and For the benefit of others, shall be putting it on Facebook soon. It was funny to see Harif style his hair using the barbie doll mirror from inside the box, lol. Then we couldn't find him when we were about to leave and Kenneth wanted to use the pa system to report missing 'kid'. Unfortunately, we were spared the fun because e appeared. Haha.
Kenneth and Hazry are so mean, stressing me out when I eat :(

Find it sad tht I have to go home and like most of them like about 10 people can still stay there and chill. So nice to sit at a place like that and sing songs and sign at the same time. At night time too is the best. Windy and peaceful~ At least i took a few videos.. Haha. Happy to know other people..-wow, lin er's got a lookalike!- And get to talk more to Ameerah. We've been talking on twitter and not much face to face so finally we meet again!:) She's a really lovely and interesting person.. :) also I felt like I kinda made up for not meeting Hazry during holidays. Sorry dude:( we were there at camp but I was busy and couldn't crash his group to talk.

Gonna go post stuff on fb now:) reaching buona vista soon.

Lab sketches

2010-11-02T21:01:00.000-07:00

Thought I should take pictures of my plant sketches before I start ruining them with labels and descriptions.

I just finished the un- cut hibiscus yesterday during set design meeting :P
Shading away while talking about ideas.
What a day. I've never felt more dread toward drawing before... I hope our perspective drawings go well today. because we don't have much time left and still need to color. I'll just do my best! :)
The previous post was supposed to be for yesterday but I fell asleep and didn't post it till this morning :/

2010-11-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

I've been singing this, along with Refine Me this morning. Very refreshing to be seeking God first in the morning, he was really there and I knew it. I'd been praying about and giving up certain things that i've been holding on to so tightly. It's time to let go of the things that are not within my power to change, my fears and my dreams.

Only To Be Yours lyrics

Undivided, strip everything else away,
Burn the idols, the things in my life that have replaced You,
I lay my life down here on Your alter,
Empty my hands of all I've been holding back

Take everything I have, only to be Yours, Lord, Yours Lord, take it from my hands until I'm holding on to only You.

Captivated, You've stolen my heart away,
I've been liberated, the chains of this world forever broken, You laid Your life down,
Now I surrender, lifting my hands,
I'm holding nothing back

So take everything I have, only to be Yours, Lord, Yours Lord, take it from my hands until I'm holding on to only You.

For every need I want is found in You,
every breath in me a gift from You,
I have nothing here apart from You,
I am Yours Lord, only Yours

Take everything I have, only to be Yours, Lord, Yours Lord, take it from my hands until I'm holding on to only You.

-—-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I wish I could use the photos function to upload pictured but I can't. Wanted to upload some pictures of my lab sketches and also plant propagation lab stuff too. I can only put them on Facebook and twitter... :(

Gonna have hard boiled eggs with seaweed for breakfast again tomorrow. I can't wait! As it is I already feel hungry.

I want to grow some new plants. But the ones in the corridor are really not in a good shape, I've been starving them and making them thirst. And I should plant my seeds quickly before they lose viability.

Was seriously just counting down the time to 12 am so that she could see te flowers that she received. Glad she liked them! Daph and I are like funny little girls just doing what we can. One expresses herself through drawing and poem.. The other one through words and flowers..

2010-10-19T11:27:00.000-07:00

Been quite disconnected from the world of blogger recently. There's been so many fun and interesting things that happened in camp, hope i remember all of them.

Not long ago, I realized that many times God has already given me the ability to do something but because of fear or lack of confidence I end up making excuses why I can't do it instead of bravely stepping forward to accept the challenge.

On a random note my mum is quite annoyed with my attachment to my phone. Although it's not like I'm addicted to games on it but I do a lot of stuff in it now, like reading, journalling, talking to people and updating myself with fb, outings and the like. I would say I'm spending a lot of time in Internet now, but as it is people are still calling me fb dead. I'm speechless. I guess I checked just to be sure of outing responses and stuff like that. Maybe she's just grumpy that I go out a lot. But seriously, when school starts I'm gonna be like some mouse that never sees day, buried in lessons and school stuff, going out just for church stuff alone.

I'm quite neutral about starting school. I understand the feeling of having strong resolutions and high hopes about a certain module but still getting disappointed anyway. Feeling a little tired out and resentful just thinking about last semester's craziness. I promise myself to put myself in a group with more balanced skills. On the bright side, I can ask zayzay or Daryl for advice when it comes to model building and sketch up and all that meh. Not like they can step in to help me themselves, but it just feels better to know that you're not alone with some strange software.

2010-09-28T08:10:00.000-07:00

Thank God for blessing me with a new phone that didn't cost us much cos we got a discount..as dad spends lots on his phone bills monthly..Which is why we paid less. And it was all because my mother dad the idea to ask for further discount. So great! I spent some time arranging the insects in the lab with Fatin, hazry and darshaini.. It was quite gross but interesting.. Fatin's gonna send me the photos we took. Can't wait for cpj outing tomorrow! Heh. Since we're having holidays we should spend more time having fun while we can.

2010-09-25T07:49:00.001-07:00

Had a great experience over at Cambodia... Not gonna write much about it here cos I alr wrote about it in my journal daily.. And stories are better told verbally! So ask me! If you want to know. I'm glad to be able to share these unique experiences with the team. I miss them already... Been praying, eating, laughing and doing ministry with them for 6 days.. Lotsa amazing stories to tell. Especially about what I learned from God.

On a random note, my mummy's buying me a smart phone as my late birthday gift. I shall strive to train my typing to be pro and go beyond the inhibitions of touch screen! :) And play lotsa spelling games and read newspaper and blog more often.

I've got a month left of the holidays! Got a camp coming up and I needa prepare a fair bit, I suppose. But I'm gonna take a rest these few days first. Anyways, we only have 2 meetings this coming 2 weeks as of now. If HI club camp requires us to sleep late again like last year, idk whatodo. I always show attitude when I am deprived of sleep :/ What happened to the good ol' lights off? Plus as a GL I'll prolly have to choreograph. At least HI club camp is a a bit more further in october away from MT.. If not i'll just crash and burn.

I shall make good use of the time I have! I wanna learn as much keyboard as I can from Grace.. Today's piano lesson was good. I felt that all these while she's given me the freedom to learn what I want and dictate which direction my learning takes but I didn't know what to do with that freedom cos I am so used to being given something to do instead.. And then I didn't communicate very well so I didn't manage to learn a lot of keyboard stuff. Also because I find it very awkward to learn cos I keep being scared of making mistakes and doing something completely ridiculous. But today I finally plucked up the courage to do what I thought I should be doing.. which is to dare to try and dare to make mistakes in front of others.
I must say I was kinda ambitious.. or impatient. I wanted to incorporate all sorts of different patterns at once.. but Grace told me that it's ok cos when she started out she also played very simply.. and I'm quite unfamiliar with what the beat is like but when I get more familiar I'll learn to add in more notes and vary more. For now, i'll pract what she taught me to do and be familiar with it so I can add more :) And I'll pract the classical songs too but I think I'll take longer cos she gave me kinda hard and long ones.

Sides brushing up on my music, I wanna start spending more time with my family.. I think i'm going out with my brother tomorrow! :D

2010-08-23T19:40:00.000-07:00

A 2 month late post. Hehe. We had eggs and cheesecake for breakfast and we were eating practically the whole day! (In between cycling, climbing and stuff.) and that's when I discovered that Charlotte really loves jelly and hates pretz and the only form of exercise that I have a chance against her is rock climbing. Heh.

2010-08-18T19:08:00.000-07:00

I was gonna blog about this, then I went to twitter and saw that Rick Warren tweeted some very GOOD stuff about it! If it was sermon now i'll be clapping my hands and screaming in agreement already. and THAT is how much I love it and find it true!

A cranky,critical,combative Christian is a terrible witness to our gracious God. "ABOVE ALL,love each other deeply" 1Pet4:8

It’s the broken wagon wheel that squeaks.Complaining & criticizing just publicizes our brokenness & immaturity to others.

If you spent as much as time praying as you do complaining, you'd have a lot less to complain about

"Do everything cheerfully without complaining.. be a breath of fresh air in this polluted society" Phil.2:14-15 Msg

Adults, enough complaining already! How much complaining will be able to make the church any better, leaders any wiser, people any more loving. It does quite the opposite. If you cared at all, not just felt good about lifting up an accusing finger to point at somebody.. you would be praying. You would be the one with the love and hope to do something about it and the faith that God will work through you.

It doesn't take much to complain, but it sure makes a lot of difference to be the "breath of fresh air".

Some think that by choosing not to complain or criticize, it's being foolishly content/happy with what's going on around you. Brainwashed even. Or overly simplistic.

But I beg to differ. When you're complaining, not only are you allowing people and circumstances to step on you, you're stepping on yourself too. By complaining, you're doing nothing and contending to fate. By being hopeful you're even more unhappy about the situation than anything else but because you have God on your side you have no reason to believe he will be defeated and all reason to be hopeful. It is better to be hopeful and doing something. Only then can things change. Is being hopeful being stupid? Not unless trusting God is being stupid. He is our hope and he never fails. Even in a condemned world he had rescue plans. What situation is too dire for him?

And when we pray, we should take out the complaining and start declaring more of the promises of God. He doesn't need us to give him a gloomy update. As if he doesn't know what's happening even better than we do. He wants us to claim what he's already given us.

Who is the truly foolish one when it comes to a heart that's always complaining? Allowing just about anything to steal your joy so easily. Allowing 1 simple mistake to ruin your day, or week even. Allowing government decisions to "ruin" your life? (More like twisting govt intentions to ruin ur life n own happiness) Allowing church imperfection to ruin your whole walk with God? Excuses and a fat load of rubbish. The greatest theft of joy sometimes comes from ourselves. For even if people can determine our circumstances, they cannot determine our mindsets and how we respond to them. These are things that no one can steal from us- our faith, love, joy, peace, walk with God.

2010-08-12T11:00:00.000-07:00

I miss growing sagas... maybe I should again. And take special care to make sure it doesn't get diseased. The one that I grew for 2 years until it became a sapling and flowered died... Heart pain D:

2010-08-07T07:08:00.000-07:00

The school term finally concludes with the end of one hectic week. And guess what? I ended it with dancing and fireworks... literally. Not to mention with plastic bamboo trees and zebra print/shiny yellow costumes. YOG dance went well... it was too bad we didn't get to really see the other dance performances put up by the school. but the little glimpses were enjoyable as well.

I had no idea the flame comes in a little cylinder before they light the candle to light the torch to light the trough- like thing.

Today's sermon was really good! I'm inspired to be a little light to the people around me. Like today I helped this aunty carry her box of cardboard into the lift. I think she was kinda surprised. but I'm glad that at least she knows that someone cares:)

I had this idea to pray for the nation with my family since we're meeting on national day. Guess what, today's sermon was really timely. God loves this city and wants to do something in it! And I'll be praying with the church from 9-1 for spore while i'll be with them in the evening so that makes it nearly the whole day that i'll be praying for the nation :D
It's gonna be great!
I'm expecting God to turn up and show me things I've never seen and let my heart be broken by the things that breaks his. I'm expecting him to give me wisdom and boldness for the things to say.

"Where is the hope? I meet millions of people who feel demoralized by the decay around us. The hope that each of us has is not in who governs us, or what laws we pass, or what great things we do as a nation. Our hope is in the power of God working through the hearts of people. And that's where our hope is in this country. And that's where our hope is in life."

- Charles 'Chuck' Colson

I'm so happy about the 1 month study break because I can study slowly and not go crazy over cramming. It's kinda like a holiday and I'm so glad for it because I get to focus more on spending time with my other friends and family, PMs, discipleship and so on. studying tgt really bonds people and I can't wait to study with Celine, Charlotte and Rachel! (Random insert: ILU Charlotte!!!! <3 *dances around*)

I'm hoping that I can go for Cambodia mission trip again this year.
It takes a large sum of money to go and my family says I'm usually quite reluctant to spend... But it's not a waste of money, because we're going to make a difference. A week of being there is not to be underestimated. We don't go there to holiday or picnic but for every hour spent there, we make full use of. To the person whose eyes or legs have been healed...that's one life being touched and forever changed by God. To the Christians who catch the fire and become so inspired to continue the work that we do... That's no waste of time. Missionaries have lots of work to do and are only human. Who will go into every corner of the villages and share with all the people there? Pray for healing of every ailment of hundreds? Organize skits and rallies every night? 1 team of people can do so much more than 1 person and it makes such a huge difference. This is different from your regular community service. It's even better because our God moves and he saves. We're not just "helping out" but even greater, we're bringing Jesus himself to them.

Last week of school before exams

2010-07-27T08:19:00.000-07:00

Next week is going to be a hectic week...
2 presentations
2 tests
3 Deadlines- final parts of a combined project.
Leader goes frantic, so many incomplete parts.
1 practical exam
1 group report
1 performance

Monday- Psychology presentation, individual and group.
Tuesday- Hardscape detailing due, cad test.
wed- sdpn
thurs- model due- presentation, lcpn test, yog rehearsal
friday- group report due, practical exam, YOG PERFORMANCE ASDF

And this week it's going bananas with TOA (we're short of 80 plus but Di Sheng is still hopeful to count on Pamela to make more appear while she MIAs) Closing ceremony prep, rehearsals and performances.

Got dinner on wednesday night, rehearsal on thursday night, closing ceremony on friday night. And i'm still emo that I can't go for FOP though it wasn't as bad as yesterday coupled with tiredness and feeling a little grouchy. NOOOOOOOO!!!

All this is gonna come about like a whirlwind, cause a mad chaos for ONE WEEK. After that I can say i'm a champion to have survived.

Steep yourself in God- reality

2010-07-16T07:18:00.000-07:00

25-28"Has anyone by fussing before the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? If fussing can't even do that, why fuss at all? Walk into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They don't fuss with their appearance—but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them. If God gives such attention to the wildflowers, most of them never even seen, don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you?

29-32"What I'm trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don't be afraid of missing out. You're my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself.

From Luke 12.
Omg, I love message bible!

Reality- something that exists independently of all other things and from which all other things derive.

Initiative- Leading action; one's personal, responsible decision

Provision- arrangement or preparation beforehand, as for the doing of something, the meeting of needs, the supplying of means, etc.

2010-07-15T08:45:00.001-07:00

I dreamed of catching butterflies last night. Must be too engrossed in thinking about getting a prettier, bigger butterfly for my PPE assignment.
It wasn't a nice dream cos in a part of it, the captured butterfly's wing was stuck between the rim of the bottle and the floor. and it was struggling to get out.

:(

I find butterflies hard to catch cos, I can't bear to just slap a net on them. It's like, you wanna catch them but you don't want to hurt them. And then when they panic they can only express it in the form of flapping and you see them zipping around like mad to escape capture. Then they keep hitting themselves against the glass and confusing the lives out of themselves. Then the worst thing is putting them in the fridge DDD: They're so alive and then the next moment they're this frozen, limp thing that just came out of your makeshift morgue.

There's a pretty greenish butterfly at blk 56 that i want to catch but I think that's crazy cos it's sitting high up where the ceiling is and I don't want to run around the corridors with a BUTTERFLY NET. I hope it's actually dead and just drops down the day I have a next lesson at 56 then I don't have to kill it.

The brown butterfly at the shade house is so stalkerish, you try to evade it but it keeps fluttering after you :/ Fatin's afraid of it.

2010-07-10T17:29:00.000-07:00

We sang this for service yesterday. Really beautiful song! and God was telling me how he never fails just a day or two ago.

hope of all hearts
; planetshakers

the world may fade
You will remain
in the midst of the trial
You will always be the same
our God never fails
our God never fails

with hope and life
You reign over all
though my heart may fear
You will always be the same
our God never fails
our God never fails

praise in the morning
praise in the evening
praise when i’m laughing
praise when i’m grieving
there will be dancing
there will be singing
upon injustice, we will tell of our God

the hope of all hearts
the hope of all hearts, is You
Your love never fails, Your love never fails

in the darkness, in trial
my soul shall sing
of His mercy and kindness
our offering of praise
our God never fails
our God never fails.

Load off the shoulders

2010-07-05T05:18:00.000-07:00

After finishing the layout plan, I've been going around editing stuff... Like adjusting the line weight thing that we got wrong and learning how to transfer layers. and fixing other stupid things I don't really want to remember.

I'm thanking God that Shaini's gonna take care of the weird scaling and title block problems and print the thing and hand it in tmr. I'm already feeling so tired from yesterday.

Dr Chitra's coming back next week and I've got to prepare for the test. I wonder if it'll be hard, like TXP retest last time. I hope not, because biochem by itself is already hard.

What I'll do today is do the scale bar and direction thing, then go home and get a good rest.

Dinner with Christabelle...

2010-06-23T06:04:00.000-07:00

Was fun!! :D
She keeps saying I'm weird but oh whaatever. She's weird too. She drew lotsa graphs and was mentioning economist people (Thomas Malthus?? and some other guy..) over dinner...

I remember the time when she drew me a bell curve for my school results... how I get extreme grades, As and Fs while normal people get averages, Bs. (The extreme grades bell curve remained true for my O lvls..)

Today, Christabelle wrote me an equation and drew me a graph for my strangeness. Plotted strangeness against age. That's... nice :/
Her theory is that I was born already strange, that's why the graph starts at 1. And the older I get, the stranger I get, hence the upward curve. So by the time I reach 21... I'll be OFF THE CHARTS in strangeness and my strangeness has the capacity to reach INFINITY. (I've got a feeling this is very warped math which she won't admit doesn't make sense but she's the econs graduate anyway so she gets away with cheating poor people like me :/)

I argued that it doesn't stand... Because she didn't plot the curve from age 0-18... but she went >:D "I bet if I did, it'd be true."

She plotted a graph for my logic too... "D: how long have I been tutoring you and your logic still hasn't increased..." According to her, people's logic increase with age until they're old and Alzheimer's take over then it drops straight down... For mine, she plotted a consistent STRAIGHT LINE with a spike at O levels then consistent straight line again -__-
The best thing is, she said "wait till you hit the old age... you'll reach NEGATIVE HAHAHA" I was like, maybe my logic will go up in that time! She's like NO that's called fat hope.

What a great tutor I have -__- What happened to encouraging and uplifting words...

Well. At least I learned a few things like increase in wealth, increase in demand of green goods by some economist... economics being called the dismal science... Thomas Malthus and the term Malthusian trap... a bit of English now. Ecological economics- valuation (of stuff you supposedly can't put values to): asking people directly and observation...doing comparison (to which I responded "Cool! numbers can appear out of nowhere") Then an illustration with a table demonstrating individual and social whatever, why pple know the right things to do but don't do it cos no incentive.. Programming that Bel learnt in relation to graphs and best fit lines. Had no idea people learn to design their own programs. Now that is useful.

Have a feeling if she ever reads this she'll spank me upside down cos I just blurred everything that she'd explained. LOL. At the same time not surprising.

Glad to be able to have dinner with her :)) I remember the times when she's always convincing me that I can do it and math is not tough... And now that I've already safely gotten my A and far from any math modules, she has taken to suan-ing me. Sigh. Haha.

2010-05-20T07:06:00.000-07:00

My goodness... just had another awesome, powerful time with God today.
It's those kinda times that he touches your heart with what he speaks about and you let it out in tears as you finally grasp something you should have understood long ago; but he is patient anyway.

With blurry- eyes and a sore nose I'm sitting down feeling a sense of peace.

2010-05-17T09:36:00.000-07:00

The time is... nearly 1AM. And I'm finally done with CAD. My eyes... I better sleep soon.

2010-05-14T09:20:00.000-07:00

An exchange that went on on twitter.

Amirah:
Behind every positive person emerged is a someone who went through a series of life's disparities feeling low about life.
amethyl
@amirahlee They must have discovered tt negativity is unhelpful and is certainly not charming; positivity a choice and not by circumstance.
@amethyl Exactly! I am very proud of them (and maybe myself, too?) for emerging from the cocoon. Such a brave thing to do =)

Having no dreams and hope is like being dead inside. They are the very things that keep us alive. Give us a reason to live.
And it does take courage to be positive when you very well could fail and disappoint yourself.

But like what I said before.. and like what the song Dreamer says, we can afford to dream because the Above has won it all. Victory is ours and the ability to live life in power.

2010-05-06T09:14:00.000-07:00

Facing many doubts right now. But God's been answering them one by one. This is the answer to one of them. And I just love this:

Being enthusiastically passionate for God and being radical is not some YI thing. It's biblical and no matter what denomination you come from, you BETTER GET EXCITED about God's Kingdom!!!

2010-05-04T05:08:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm doing the homework for you! >< Think, think! It's highly possible. Others have done it too.

Man I really need an ipod charger. I keep having to log in to my computer before I can charge my ipod. So inconvenient.

Back to whatever I should be doing.

2010-05-03T03:55:00.001-07:00

I went to the bus stop and Justin and Syaf asked me if I studied for the French test. I went !!!!!! DDDD:
I thought to myself, God how. I resolved that I'm gonna rejoice because today is a day you made. and there goes my resolution. Yet in my heart I decided that ah what now. No point letting my day be affected by what I can't help. I'll just try and do my best for this test now. So I started revising on the bus. I just couldn't believe that I messed up my French from plain absentmindedness. I was like God how can I be so blur sometimes?!? I hadn't even the slightest inkling.

Then during class Karen told us that there would be no test this week. Immediately I knew that it was God. It's really God's grace. I mean, you wouldn't expect him to. Like you wouldn't expect your father to drive over all the way when you forgot to bring your homework to school.

And that wasn't the only time. I remember somehow I was blur about the ITA presentation. I was still at home when my group members gave me a call. I got the greatest shock of my life. I sped to school right away. And when I reached, the presentation hadn't even started yet and Mr Phang was like "Would you believe it? The projector didn't work until after you came"

Thank God.

2010-05-02T06:44:00.000-07:00

I'm stuck on my ACAD. But i'm hungry and gonna take a break.

minute eevilss

2010-04-29T19:17:00.000-07:00

Ganoderma fruiting body. Eek.

2010-04-29T05:30:00.000-07:00

I never imagined that I'd want to do anything close to something like being an MC. It seems a pretty interesting thing to do and I wanna try it out. there's a whole lot of people interested but there's only one place though.

I know in crescent they'd get really pro people from ELDDS or people who take part in oratorical competitions, with really nice voices and good pronunciation and stresses in their sentences and they'd practice a lot.

That kinda reminds me of Mrs Rupa's musical kind of singing voice. and Mr Ravi's deep reading voice. I miss crescent. and lit and english DX

You Hold It all Together, Started It All

2010-04-18T04:26:00.000-07:00

Went for bible study today. very cool stuff.
thankfully I've been reading genesis so I can follow what pastor is talking about.
I can almost shoot myself for being too lazy to come two weeks ago.

had to run off about 10 mins before pastor ended cos mum and tim were waiting for me to go celebrate Angel's birthday. the girl is now 4 years old :)
The group was really small and i was smack in the middle beside swp so i was pretty D: about running off. nevertheless it was all good :)

2010-04-12T21:34:00.000-07:00

Was checking the MRT line for discipleship when I saw the new circle line. I was so happy at the awesomeness of it all.

In order of happiness level, I saw BOTANIC, HOLLAND V, BRAS BASAH, Esplanade and Labrador.

Bus agonies and confusing walking be gone! Yay to convenience.

2010-04-11T00:09:00.001-07:00

Someone's excellent way of phrasing a similar thought that I once had.

God gives you just enough time to do His Will.If you always feel behind,you're trying to do more than he intended.

Rick Warren

These are the things that makes keeping and reading twitter worth it. So many wise truths on one page that encourages the heart :)
I imagine if solomon had twitter it'd be something like that too. short but concise proverbs.

2010-04-10T23:53:00.004-07:00

Service feedback: What was preached in the service caused me to think about how much I really anticipate hearing God's voice. I realized that I take for granted the times when he speaks to me, and I don't have the desperation and hunger to listen for more. Something that I "knew" but never believed by not acting it out was that God wants to speak to us all the time. During altar call when we were supposed to hear from God, I even caught myself thinking "But I just heard from him yesterday, what would he still want to say?" And like what brx said, I want to never let God's word depart from my mouth, and meditate on it day and night.

Swp was talking about the times when she heard from God, and what it was like. I suddenly remember the times when he talked to me so much at one go until I felt like I was gonna explode because I couldn't contain everything. Like the words were pouring in faster than I could write and I feared that anything he said might escape me.

I like those times :)

and I want them back.

phones and people

2010-04-02T09:08:00.000-07:00

Facebook is actually an avenue for stalker activity. Lol.

work rants.

For work, I'm so tempted to ask Ben to take over because he has thicker skin than I do.
And people are just wearing it all out.

Don't need to try to be a real person at work. I press numbers and recite scripts. Then I collect the necessary response.

I just have to remember that on the line, I take on another identity altogether. I'm not the same person. I just say whatever I have to say and gather whatever response is needed to cross people out of refer them.

Also have to remember that on the line, to strangers, people also become different altogether. there's a sense of suspicion and dislike, violation of personal space, irritation. and it leads to some people even becoming condescending or angry and sarcastic. not to mention, many have been called before by others.

when they get angry, they're not getting angry at me, Rachel. They are getting angry at That Voice On The Phone.

Cooperate for goodness' sake so we can just cross you out and burn the list already

the following are lies from your terrifying imaginations:
- so we love to make your life terrible
- we are also after your property. ooh so delicious.

2010-04-01T02:44:00.000-07:00

2382 words.
spent some time trying to transfer my notes and drafts over to computer instead of eating up all the space in my phone.
from times when i had sudden thoughts. or when it's lights out and suddenly God speaks to me about something.
and omg. i died typing. it's like a whole journal up in there. 4 pages on ms word.

2010-03-26T05:28:00.000-07:00

And another day passes by...

Spent the afternoon with charlotte today. Tried to help with the dip plus acceptance essay to the best of my ability. Played some raving rabbits (LOL)then had to go.

No point rushing through discipleship when in the end, no one really gets anything and what’s taught has to be repeated. As long as something is learnt each time and there is growth, that’s awesome! :D
Made a little dedication prayer in the morning for the semester to come. I want God himself more than the things I ask him for. And i promised not to run away from the things that intimidate me.

2010-03-25T06:24:00.001-07:00

omg so hilarious!!

Rachel says:
we shd go next friday or get fried by the big hot sun.
1pm at bukit timah hill = HEAT AND UNHAPPINESS
choc says:
hahaha
but it's quite shady isn't it?
what's the date next fri?
Rachel says:
uhhh
i don' tknow
maybe it's 32
cos i added 7
oh wait.
OH LOL
choc says:
LOL RACHII
2 apr
hmm
should be fine
Rachel says:
okay : )

I love colors!

2010-03-22T11:17:00.000-07:00

Random.

HI club camp 10'

2010-03-21T23:24:00.000-07:00

haha. this birthday dedication extends to everywhere online and on mobile! happy 18th birthday hazry!

Camp was really fun.(we'll just take it as that, shall we. I shant go into how i don't really like camps and all. it was good enough) and as I've told everyone, tiring; cos of the 4 hours of sleep and turning in at 4 plus everyday. That's what I really hated but it seems like for other school camps they did the same thing so this craziness is the norm for some (?) wouldnt know. At TCP camp they made us lights out at 11. I thought they let us rest late. I thought wrong. I shall never see YI camp the same again. everytime we go back to the rooms to rest, i'll be like hallelujah, i don't have to wait another 5 hours before i can rest my head on my pillow.

I think everyone's signing really improved. it's great to see so many pple from 1A coming for camp... made many new friends too. Half the time i was stoned and no mood to move or react (thanks to sleeping at 4am)but at other times of the day I was more lively at least... as usual i had someone asking me if i was singaporean -__- i felt sad that so many people are year 3 next year. It means that they'll all graduate before me D: in black group, only momo's (Hao Teng's) year one and 1Aers are all yr 2s. i'm gonna miss pamela D: pammy.(the mum that makes me drink up my water, sides shuyin) and for wayne's benefit, wayne too :(
found a few crecentians in hi club. sides' pam, there's cassandra and hazel. and there are a few dancers too. huiqi and elaine. JJ said elaine dances pro. can tell. there are christians too. cassandra, shurong, rong xuan, jon.

performance was embarrassing D: I forgot what on earth I was signing, brain died on me. despite much urging, it still insisted on blanking out. i'm not exaggerating. the video's gonna be evidence of me forgetting everything.

best song signers were jon and ronny. 1A ftw!~

on the bright side of sleeping late and messing up for perf, the camp tee is an awesome shade of brown. it's the kind of brown you want for your hair. or at least, i want for my hair. it's kind of something sides' the cert that proves that i survived 3 days of this madness.
it feels nice to belong in a cca where people actually care about what they're doing. it's good :)

reply to tags

2010-03-21T22:58:00.000-07:00

Charlotte: Yeah lets! :D Think you're the only person I know that's game to do such random things.

Mel: ooo... yeah i want. i remember hearing about the dilemma in euthanasia in communication t. class and wondering so what's right.

April: Whoa so many christian writers.. cool right. good testimony on how God can change sth bad into sth good.

Pause.

2010-03-16T09:15:00.000-07:00

If it aint natural, then it must be supernatural.

brief melancholy

2010-03-16T07:04:00.001-07:00

I miss some people. So near yet so far.

Singapore is such a small place. and we're all so within reach, yet separated by the buzz of our individual lives.

I'm losing touch with what goes on in their lives already.

Distance needs to be redefined.

Sometimes I'm also not sure whether they're the same people I know anymore.

Time is precious.

the loss of that which was once familiar and close is unpleasant.

Moving on like a bullet train from one season to another.

books and musing

2010-03-16T03:27:00.000-07:00

Twitter, with its 140 word limit, is too minute to keep all my thoughts. hence i'm back here at good ol' blogger.

Been at books the past few days. it's the perfect weather for books. Rainy, dim and cool. Was at Queenstown library with the intention of studying with April and Celine. Studied 2 hours of planting and maintenance, refused to go on and read about pruning and wound up reading a book.

I first saw "Even when she forgot my name" by Wong Chai Kee at popular bookstore... a fairly new book. I've read stories on autism but not alzheimer's so I was kinda interested. found it at the library rather easily. I finished it in 6 hours. (non continuous, because we met Rachel and the rest at ion for dinner.)

it's a really sad book, but not depressing. because in it, there was a lot of gratefulness and love. one of the parts I'd vividly remember is how the author compared his frustration of his mother's lack of response (cos of her deteriorating brain) to God's unfailing love even when we chose not to respond to him. his idea of love was redefined.

Another thing i'm amazed at is how his mother lost her mobility, independance, sometimes her senses, but kept her faith till the very end.

I borrowed another book about a stroke patient and paul coelho's Valkyries but i don't have much of an interest to really read them. think i'll go straight into norman giesler's christian ethics. i wanna read the part about euthanasia.

2010-03-11T09:12:00.001-08:00

Yes, it felt confused and was like in circles.
But it's everyone's first time. We'll just get better.

Everyone's tired, sianz x 10000.
it's the point of time when things are reaching the most tiring and energy is running out.
it takes something to step over the tiredness and do our best all the same
there will be breakthrough eventually! much more to be done but so far, good job done.

ultimately what would keep us going is knowing that we are not alone. and remembering why we are doing all these... let's not lose the joy in the midst of work :)

2010-03-08T20:14:00.000-08:00

The sweet basil flowered! :)

2010-03-08T19:22:00.000-08:00

Maybe there isn't a right or wrong but it's about different perspectives and the way things are done. nothing counts as much as compromise, give and take and reaching a common understanding.

2010-03-08T09:13:00.000-08:00

"We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world."

Not just having heard a story, but also knowing for themselves...

on Twitter

2010-03-07T01:00:00.000-08:00

As usual, i'm lazy to add everyone.

and since i have it, i decided that i might as well utilize it.

amusement

2010-03-06T23:11:00.000-08:00

i've been wanting to post this for a while but i had a hard time finding it... was reminded of it when i saw my cca records.

My friend and I threw some pictures in and tweaked them a bit to get this ridiculous nonsense which we submitted for a competition.

Lol at the rainbow colored words.
Friend thought it was absolutely hideous. I thought it was nice. I was dared to put it as my desktop for a week. I did. After that i was urged to take it off.

2010-03-03T04:10:00.001-08:00

Went out with Mel today! Heheh.

and still have yet to send muen the updates...

2010-03-02T06:38:00.000-08:00

Had a crazy time with my classmates yesterday. People running around in the hot sun playing Frisbee and football. I sat and ate. Heh. We also walked around and ran about the sky park. It was a most tiring day. My classmates are pretty nice and sensible people. prior to beliefs based on stereotypes. awesome class :) (including 01 as well)

Today I woke up late and played the piano for a while. After eating I was gonna do my script but Celine asked me over to her house to do work. So off i went. It was quite fun. Yay. Haha. I lent her Stop And Listen (we're all under the influence of mel) and Under Cover. I left at 7 cos she had to have dinner with her parents. I managed to write quite a bit :) still some way to go... and i still wanna make some changes of what I've written too. Persevere!

Frustrated.

2010-02-28T07:06:00.000-08:00

As shown above.

Do you really know yourself?

2010-02-25T21:25:00.001-08:00

Just had a strange thought.
Some personality tests don't help you understand yourself better. (esp the ones that have questions that lead to really predictable conclusions)
They help to surface what you think of yourself.
Which can be partially true, but is influenced by what you'd like to think of yourself or what you perceive about yourself.

Sometimes friends can be accurate, and then sometimes, they only see the surface or a side that you always show around them. Or.. ever heard of this? You are who you think other people think you are.

And then there's the question of whether you are influenced to behave the way you think you are when you're not.
Like when a personality test tells you something, which you wonder whether it's really true of yourself. Then you start to make your behavior gravitate toward that instead of it being already your behavior. That's why Alfian was so skeptical about doing DISC during TCP camp... but then disc is pretty reliable (and complicated. omg those graphs and fake qns?)and maybe specific but not entirely specific. i mean, you can be one profile but many many other different things from the people in the same profile as you. A general impression you would have on one profile sometimes tend to be a stereotype. Like, not all high Cs are people who sit at desks churning out numbers and analyzing facts. how about Cs that analyze words, not numbers? and not all high Ds are angry frowning people who are bossy.

People are so beautifully complicated, beautifully different. All the personality tests in the world wouldn't be able to show the entirety of who we are with all its individual uniqueness.
What's great too is that how we're inclined to behave doesn't define us or our destiny. We can work around the bad points of our behavior types while keeping the good side and still be uniquely us.

Discipleship

2010-02-24T19:11:00.000-08:00

I am an important window into practical application of God's word. That it's beyond words in a book, but a way of life. Not even a bunch of things to do or not to do, but a conviction. That my joy is in the things of God, because he gives me life- heaven even on earth, not an insurance.
That's what I strive for! :) Discipleship can only be real to someone if my relationship with God overflowing in me and I live out what I say. especially knowing that I am the very only source of human input about God to one of my disciples .. what is she going to see through me?

There's been so many things that I would call "not my thing". But growing in God's love causes our love for others to grow too, breaking old barriers, stepping out of selfish comfort zones, learning sacrifice and serving.

I know after every good thing comes opposition. Have to guard against complacency, and be alert. But I take heart in this, that no weapon formed against us shall prosper. And all things work for the good of those who love him :) even times not easy, and opposition.

That's very evident in Paul's life (as i have read this morning :D)
Chains and standing trial for wrongdoing he's never done. But he rose above that persecution, and used it to boldly preach to one important person after another. Governors.. and rulers of the country he preached to.
He didn't just see the chains. He saw the big picture where God's hand was in it.

And just to digress a bit more...
His violent past didn't make him fall a single bit short in God's plans.
He was exactly at where God wanted him to be. All that Paul was and even his past could be turned into something good. His education and identity as a roman citizen served as an advantage. His story of persecution and being a pharisee who then believed in the resurrection of the dead.. became a powerful testimony.

-end of digression, lol-
well, this calls for greater faithfulness in all that I do.

End of year 1 :D

2010-02-24T07:35:00.001-08:00

Today marks something like the last day of school for year 1.
Even though I'm free from exams, I'm not exactly free from responsibility.
Gotta settle word aid stuff with sheryl, gideon and the rest (hopefully by) Friday. Also, the deadline for muen's script is in a matter of days.

I wonder if it was smart of me to spend the day not contributing to script lines. I know I still have Thursday and Friday. But still. Break/rest justified?
It feels weird to be stressed even after exams. It's the script. scared no inspiration :/ but reminding myself, it's God's production and not mine. I don't have to try and be super. I just need to go back to him for that promise he gave me since beginning- that he'd give me creativity. all that i need.

It still has to come a loooong way. But really excited to see it out. I mean, all those camera effects and all that they speak about animatedly. I can only imagine. It's kinda early for that huh. script isn't even materialized yet. and the transition from script to video is gonna be soooo...... but i should have some vision to keep me going :)

2010-02-22T00:22:00.000-08:00

Quick reply to tags...

Mel: Ahaha yup!

Charlotte: I always knew that you were not normal... Anyway, I can't imagine saying hi to everyone and then taking out a book to mug. Something i might have done, but i'm discouraging anti-social behavior coming from myself :)

April: Aha I failed math too! Ok that is a bad thing. My best grade in Crescent was E8 for prelims. But then it's not the grades that necessarily please God. It's the efforts to do it for Him even when it's tough and all. I know God's pleased with my math even though I failed... I persevered cos i know to God, impossible is nothing. in the end for Os i got A2 :D God is good.

Pleasing to You

2010-02-16T23:52:00.000-08:00

This line popped into my head this morning.

Dance not to excel but to worship.

I realized that same applies:

Study not to excel but as a form of worship.

First a child of God, then a student.

And I'm telling you, it's awful. It's just like how you can't pause during a run, because when you pick up again, it's tiring. But who's to be nuts enough to work during cny? Feeling the effects of inertia.

But aye. I refuse to be controlled by what I feel like or don't feel like doing. Time to pick up.

2010-02-07T03:16:00.000-08:00

I can't help it. heh. snagged it from mel's blog

But reason alone cannot prove the existence of God. Faith is reason plus revelation, and the revelation part requires one to think with the spirit as well as with the mind. You have to hear the music, not just read the notes on the page. Ultimately, a leap of faith is required.

Dr Francis Collins
April 6, 2007
Special to CNN

2010-02-07T02:46:00.000-08:00

Somehow yesterday's bible quiz prize giving makes me remember how my brother used to encourage me to read my bible for a period of time, when I was in primary school. He taught me what was in the verses of proverbs, and how important wisdom is. Then I have no idea what happened to me and I stopped reading my bible and going to church altogether.

When I came back to church, in sec 2, I started reading my bible again because of Masterlife. I remember when I first told God I wanted to grow so much more in Him and wanted to know the bible much more. When I first picked up my brother's life application bible I saw words, words and more tiny little words filling as much as up to half the page and went DDDD: I can't remember what made me read it anyway and make a habit out of it.

Along the way somewhere, I realized that it's not all about knowing and collecting information or even being full of wisdom. Because Solomon with all his wisdom, also fell. It's about applying it. It's about loving God, being obedient and walking close to him. Cos even with all the knowledge in the world, if you have failed to do that, you have missed the whole point.

-Edit: Like what Ps said, Satan's got to be the best theologian ever. Wins bible school teachers hands down-

I'm encouraged to continue to study God's word further
nkjv study bible ftw :))

2010-02-04T20:54:00.001-08:00

Ahhhhhh >< Charlotte's pictures of esplanade and performer's pass really reminds me of dance and performing arts in Crescent. I wanna go back and visit during March hols.

My utmost for his highest
Oswald Chambers
Edited by James Reimann
The source of abundant joy

Rom 8:37

Paul was speaking here of the things that might seem likely to separate a saint from the love of God. But the remarkable thing is that nothing can come between the love of God and a saint. The things Paul mentioned in this passage can and do disrupt the close fellowship of our soul with God and separate our natural life from him. But none of them is able to come between the love of God and the soul of a saint on the spiritual level. The underlying foundation of the Christian faith is the undeserved, limitless miracle of the love of God that was exhibited on the Cross of Calvary; a love that is not earned and can never be. Paul said this is the reason that “in all these things we are more than conquerors.” We are super- victors with a joy that comes from experiencing the very things which look as if they are going to overwhelm us.

Huge waves that would frighten an ordinary swimmer produce a tremendous thrill for the surfer who has ridden them. Let’s apply that to our own circumstances. The things we try to avoid and fight against- tribulation, suffering, and persecution- are the very things that produce abundant joy in us. “We are more than conquerors through Him” “In all these things”; not in spite of them, but in the midst of them. A saint doesn’t know the joy of the Lord in spite of tribulation, but because of it. Paul said, “I am exceedingly joyful in all our tribulation” (2 Corinthians 7:4).

The undiminished radiance, which is the result of abundant joy, is not built on anything passing, but on the love of God that nothing can change. And the experiences of life, whether they are everyday events or terrifying ones, are powerless to “separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:39).

2010-02-02T07:52:00.000-08:00

I can't believe Charlotte got me macaroons for christmas! XD
I've got a pink and orange one. hoho.
it's awesome :D
We played canon in D in C today. I wanna go practice! and bring other songs then we can play together during hols. hahaha.
Oh man. It was so good doing work tgthr today. Especially since we seldom get to meet up ><

2010-01-31T06:53:00.000-08:00

I have many blog stalkers! Or maybe, they're not stalkers but the absence of a tagboard is too much for them. hahaha.

I have a song signing performance as part of HI club on Friday. I'd have to go to school specially for that performance. We had some really hilarious practice sessions LOL. I dunno how to describe it. But it was hilarious.
I'll be wearing blue! :D
Eh so paiseh. I don't want my class to come and watch me. That's why I'm not telling them. Cos I have this feeling they might just make a class outing out of it if they knew.

Just when I thought about being of help, the situation shifted and now a very crucial part of the scripting lies on me. I hope to be coming up with the stuff soon ><

Take my 10 apples 9 oranges and banana please

2010-01-27T06:57:00.000-08:00

Just a quick one.. haha.
Met Jeffrey and Kenneth for the media script thing yesterday... Kenneth has this really cool idea which we expanded on. I'm quite excited to see things start to move in a certain direction. Feels like project work but completely leisure and no stress. I'm completely new to this, have never done anything like this before... In my opinion now, writing and English takes up maybe like 3% of this whole thing. Story's gonna be important, but I can see that a lot of time's gonna be on camera and stuff, which I am completely ignorant about. Feel like a noob amidst people who have done stuff like animation and film and media studies D: I shall try to contribute whatever I can... maybe verbalize more ideas for story development or put my imaginative mind to good use.

I was sick and tired (and everyone from my class too, was sick and tired) of lugging apples and oranges and what- have- you around school all day after floristry. I see a red underline. Meh. The word doesn't even exist! Anyway, since I was at church area waiting for the meeting, I went around asking people whether they wanted apples and oranges. It was kinda funny.

Me: Swp! You want apples or oranges? :D
Swp:- sth about not minding apples but not wanting oranges. and loving apples when i said she could have all of them.
Why?
Me: I had floristry today.
Swp: Forestry?
Me: FloRIStry
Swp: Forestry- so you mean you go pluck...
Me: Nonono. Floristry. Ca hua (stick [in] flowers)
Swp: You didn't poke anything inside right?
Me: No. but you have to wash it first.
Swp: I know!

-_- and to add on to that, I gave pastor my banana bunch too.
Revelation of the day: Floristry not only helps to break your arms and shoulders, it gives you opportunities to find out the fruit preference of people. Like how swp loves apples and pastor's son loves bananas. Bottom line: No one likes oranges. The poor, neglected things. Like what, Jeffrey didn't want oranges either. And John and Evan didn't look very interested in fruits so I didn't ask them.

Dreamer

2010-01-22T00:19:00.000-08:00

Beautiful song. We can have mega sized kingdom dreams because the King has won it for us. Nothing is too big or too impossible for him.

Love woke me up this morning
With a memory
Love came and whispered a story
That awakened a dream

Imagine a beautiful castle
And a beautiful king
He left the comfort of his throne
To fight for victory

I am a dreamer
Take me higher
Open the sky up
Start a fire
I believe
Even if it's just a dream

Love woke me up this morning
And I ran to see
The king in the winners' circle
On the horse he won for me

Only a king would do anything
To protect the kingdom

astronomy

2010-01-19T19:01:00.001-08:00

suddenly i find myself having to read pages and pages of astronomy stuff -_-
but it's not too bad. haha. interesting. update again later. maybe.

2010-01-17T06:55:00.000-08:00

sth hilarious that happened during presentation last friday...
shortly after during kc and yuwei's presentation, a virus notification popped up.
it came from the thumbdrive and man, you should have seen mr saiful's face.
the sian what did you just do to my computer?!? face

because you gave your life, i give you mine

2010-01-14T06:27:00.000-08:00

the answer has been there all along..
to gaze upon His beautiful face, to dwell where he is
such that the things of this earth grows strangely dim.

Like it doesn't matter where I stand anymore. I strip that all aside to stand before him humbly. and suddenly, all the burden disappears. i can do my best without any hindrance. in his sight I am always a champion. because of the identity he gave me.

I listened to music while doing my work and my rotten, negative attitude disappeared.

self entertainment

2010-01-14T04:03:00.001-08:00

Handmade christmas gifts :) april, skye, fatin, ros, siewjia

2010-01-14T02:58:00.000-08:00

I can't seem to really pinpoint what's wrong with me these days

2010-01-13T03:29:00.001-08:00

Slept and woke up with a headache.

I'm not quite liking this...

2010-01-09T07:14:00.000-08:00

The attitude of one who serves should be that of having a servant heart, willing to serve.
To think that less is excusable because any amount is already a favor is not good attitude.
You do not serve to do people a favor. Where even your 5 cents worth should be jolly well appreciated because you gave at least something.
It is God that we are serving and giving him any less than 100% should be unheard of.
The root of the problem is, your pride is hurt, you are stubborn, you are not happy.. and you would throw in anything to make your defense. To aid everything, you have wonderful friends who tell you all the warped way of thinking. If your performance is bad, admit it, apologize, think it through, start over! for goodness sake. Suspension is useless? true. how you choose to spend it and look at it determines that and it's entirely up to you.

2010-01-09T06:18:00.000-08:00

Had a few thoughts coming into my mind about today's sermon.

Heard about surrounding yourself with friends who can challenge you, hold you up, encourage you in your walk with God. I do have these friends, but I don't.. you know, form a really tight support group with them. It's gonna be challenging, cos I'm not someone who likes to proclaim the world about my happenings and always see the need to be constantly surrounded by people. If anyone at all, they should be people in my active inner social group.
Funny thing is, I'm always praying for us to be so connected with each other, so united. But what am I doing in this? Something to think about.. and of course work on. I rem the time I pray with Mel during the week. She'd tell me about what's happening and I'd be really encouraged. Need to start that again ><

Also, discipleship. [There's this verse about how people who teach are accountable to God] I'm sure there's more to discipleship than just the book. And there's ton's more that we can do together to grow in God. So I'm starting on that this week. Making calls. And not calling aimlessly but I have an idea of what we're gonna discuss about :D

With regards to this year being on fish [there's words aplenty about this in NT], I feel glad. It's about time. I kinda look forward to it yet feel a little uneasy but I'm willing to step out. Because doing big stuff with God is what life is about.

I guess that's the application for me.

I felt that there was so much to apply. (because there's so much we read) but I felt that God was saying to get your prayer life strong and going. Then these will fall into place. Because I'd be connected to God and his concerns, and fish and people fall under this category.

I've been asking God big things to pray over my family, cell group... And finally after asking God gave me vision for the cell. I felt that it wasn't very big though it's something you'd hear and go "whao." I think though, this is so that I'd keep asking and keep coming back for part 2, 3, 4 and so on which gets progressively bigger even as my faith grows, not just stop here.

Even as I do these I'm on my way to being the faithful servant who is watchful.

illustrator

2009-12-29T08:45:00.000-08:00

I don't intend to gain information, to probe.

You don't have to explain.
I don't have to know.
I just don't want it to affect people under my care.
You take care of that.
That's all.
And that's all I ask.

2009-12-11T03:04:00.000-08:00

Finished the part for my group report an hour ago...
Actually, two hours ago. But because I won't be touching this report anymore, I had to check to safely make sure everything's fine.
Spent the past hour eating and snacking and stoning. Replenishing my brain juices and energy.
There should be 3 things i'm doing now- packing for YI camp, studying for SS, practicing my piano... but i'm just sitting here stoning...

I think i'll choose to pack first.

2009-12-10T18:37:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we look upon our lives as if we were self sufficient
Our lives are perfect without God.
Just like this seed.
Being shiny, pretty and contentedly happy.

What it never realized was that
It was never meant to be just a decorative item
It was meant for more.
It was meant for life, growth and breakthrough.

Even though it sheds its once hard and pretty coat
It never looks back
to the days it was comfortable within itself